Friday, December 23, 2005

Too Much Information


Alright now she's gone too far...this story is from The Defamer

When JV Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria was non-grievously bonked on her pretty noggin by a section of pipe last week, we sheepishly admit that our first thought was not, “Wow, we hope that she’s OK and makes a speedy, heroic return to work,” but “Hey, how much hair does she have on her ladyflower?” Page Six sets our minds at ease:

DESPERATE housewife Eva Longoria says she only discovered her sexual self after she got some pruning done in an intimate area. “It was when I was 25 or 26,” the star, 30, told the Mirror in London. “I never waxed or really paid attention to that area. It opened the door to a whole new sexual side of me. Getting in touch with your inner sex goddess would begin with the Brazilian wax.”
A hearty high-five to Longoria’s quick-thinking publicist, who’s done an admirable job keeping her name in the press to offset all the Emmy attention her co-stars are receiving. An item about her client’s bikini area is a welcome change of pace, and a nice gossip-sheet placeholder until the next time she’s photographed leaving a club holding hands with a B-lister she’s not actually sleeping with.

That story wasn't too bad when you compaire it with this...

Actress Eva Longoriacompare is so in love with her boyfriend Tony Parker, she has had his initials tattooed in an intimate area of her body.

The "Desperate Housewives" star, 30, started dating the San Antonio Spurs basketball ace after ending her on/off relationship with 'N Sync hunk JC Chasez in January.

Longoria enthuses, "You can see three of my tattoos, they're all on public display, but the one that has Tony's initials is only seen by him.

"I'm not saying where it is -- but let's just say he gets to view it on a very regular basis!"

So when they break up is she going to tell the next guy that "TP" stands for, "Tight...aw never mind that was too easy.

Now I know I must accept responsibility for this occuring...as you might recall I said in the memo to scantly clad actresses that we wanted more wanton slut and less thinking woman. EVA A LITTLE BIT GOES A LONG WAY...enough with the cootch stories, too much more of this and you'll be appearing as a featured dancer at the Doll House in Killeen. I'm sorry folks I just can't control her anymore.

For all you gun nuts here's another story:

I think it's BS but here ya' go...
Longoria an Experienced Hunter
"Desperate Housewives" actress Eva Longoria has unveiled a hidden skill -- she's highly experienced at shooting and skinning animals.

The dainty beauty, who grew up in San Antonio, Texas, often went out on the range with her family at the end of each school week for lessons on how to live off the land.

She says, "(I was) hunting with my dad since I was 6. I still go with him to this day.

"I can handle a gun. Hello? Yes. I could skin a deer, I could skin a pig. I can pluck a quail -- you name it, I've done it. A pioneer woman."

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