Saturday, December 10, 2005

That's MORE like it...



As long time visitors to this spot may recall, in a July article entitled "A Memo to Scantly Clad Actresses", I ripped into Eva Longoria for her vapid useless political ramblings contained in what should have been an otherwise useful semi nude photo spread in one of the finer "mens" magazines also known as "AAFES Porn" (FHM, Maxim, Stuff...or any magazine that shows "almost" nekid women and is therefore acceptable to the powers that be in the sandier places in the world).

Her handlers have obviously seen the folly of letting her ramble on without guidance...what follows is what she should have told us the first time.

Eva Longoria

Where you’ve seen her:
The former Miss Corpus Christi earned her acting chops on the daytime soap The Young and the Restless and went on to star in the Emmy Award–winning L.A. Dragnet. She now stars in ABC's sexy series Desperate Housewives as cradle-robbing temptress Gabrielle Solis.

Daily buzz:
“I own two (vibrators). I have the Rabbit one, and I give that as a gift all the time. To other girls. For a birthday or the like. It's the best gift to give: an orgasm. And if I can't do it for ya, I'll give you the tools to succeed! I have one Rabbit and a Pocket Rocket.”

Lo and bi-hold:
“I do wish I had that gay experience, because I think women are beautiful creatures. They're much more attractive naked than men. And it sounds like fun. Maybe I'm just holding out for the future.”

Fightin' words:
“I really love sports. There's something so sexy and masculine when guys rattle off names and statistics. I can listen to them all day long. But if a guy doesn't like boxing, that's grounds for a breakup.” (That's bull and we all know it...nice try anyway!)

You go girl...now if you would just tell them how much you dig soldiers you'd be golden...and while your at it stop telling people about your basketball player boyfriend from France. Talk about buzz-kill.

Now we can go back to our bitching about the war etc...

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