Friday, December 15, 2006

Battlestar Galactica...In the Future We Will Only Do It Missionary Style

Just for Skye at Midnight Blue I am re-posting this piece (now with extra goodness) I wrote back in FEB when I first discovered the "NEW" Battlestar. Be advised for those not familiar with the show...I have some "SPOILERS" in there...

At the advice of some friends I have begun watching the new Battlestar Galactica that shows on the SF channel on Fridays.

I picked up Season 1 and Season 2.0 on DVD and after watching them some things have sprung to mind. Now I'm sure there are those out there who will say (quite understandably) that I am devoting too much thought to what is after all a TV show. I on the other hand respond that people who call themselves professionals (the TV writers) shouldn't be so sloppy or maybe lazy. Anyway here ya' go.

First of all for those not familiar with the new BG, the cylons come not only in the traditional metal robot form, but they have also learned how to make themselves female and hot(see pictures below). There are also male Cylons but to be honest who really gives a rip about them.

During the first episode of season 1 the blond Cylon (Number 6) has sex with one of the main characters (who sells out his own race by the way)...while this is happening we see the blond Cylon (El Numero 6) from behind and her spine is glowing red. Later in the season, the young lady named Boomer (played by Grace Park) has sex with one of her space pilot buddies...while this is happening we view Boomer from behind and her spine is glowing red...which of course lets us all know without a doubt that she's a Cylon.

This made me wonder, I guess they never do it doggie style or if they do the Cylon kills them right after like a praying mantis. Also I suppose they don't turn out the lights during sex. If they did you'd hear this in Boomer's bedroom or in the ships broom closet as the case may be;

"Hey honey, where's that light coming from?"

"What light?"

"There's a red light coming from somewhere."

"Must be the smoke detector."

"No wait, I've found's coming from your spine. You must have swallowed my Surefire(TM) Flashlight or something because nothing human...wait a minute!"

(Sound of splintering bones)

You'd think with all that technology they be able to hide that whole glowing thing...but then I guess we're too stupid to figure out how to tell the machines from the humans without the glowing spine...and then I guess it just happens during sex, which presents an interesting conundrum.

The other thing I've's pointed out at the beginning of every episode that there are about 50,000 human beings left in the entire universe. SO with that in mind how is it when the "President" has a press conference there are easily 20-30 reporters there. How many reporters do fifty thousand people need? I guess when the rescue ships picked up everyone that was left, weaselly reporters took seats that should have been for I don't know doctors, engineers or anyone who actually produces something useful. Yeah there are 20-30 reporters just hanging around but when the Captain of the Galactica gets shot...the only doctor is on another ship and unavailable.

Come on writers you're getting paid a living wage and you can't do any better than that?

Actually, I enjoy the least till they started using obvious Iraq references that were supposed to make me "THINK". hurts when I do that...STOP IT, GALACTICA PEOPLE! I am supposed to be stupid and otherwise unemployable...that's why I joined the Army in the first place. Just give us what we want...more Cylon sex!

So there you go...

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