A Memo to Scantly Clad Actresses

This goes out to Eva Longoria and any other actress out there who is posing for or wants to pose for what a friend of mine so eloquently called "AAFES Porn". You know magazines like FHM, MAXIM or STUFF.

When you do the little interview that they do with the photo spread don't mess with the fantasy. You know what I mean. We don't want to hear about your boyfriend, husband or significant other. Honestly I'm glad you're happy and everything, but I didn't walk 2 miles through a dust storm across a gravel pit in my flack jacket and helmet to stand in line behind 40 other Joes with the same magazine at the checkout to walk the 2 miles back to my trailer to read about how happy you are to be shacked up with Marice. I've got plenty of reality here in my world sister, just allow me the fantasy for once. Is that too much to ask?

Here's an example of what I mean...In a recent edition of MAXIM magazine Eva Longoria told everyone about her work in the last election for a certain candidate and her displeasure about how stupid some folks were that voted the way that they did. This was sandwiched in between the pictures of her in her underpants so you may have missed it.

Eva, do you really thing people picked up that magazine off the rack and said, "Wow look Eva Longoria is in there I wonder what she has to say about politics?" Yeah, maybe if they had been hit the head by a brick just before going to the store. In the imortal words of a senior aviation Warrant Officer, "know your audience."

We get it, you have a brain. That is great, but no one buys those magazines for their pithy political insight or social commentary.

Maybe this rant should be directed at the dork who asked the question, but hell, all you had to say was, "Are you stupid?...I'm not answering that." I mean you're smart...you've got all these opinions and stuff, you'd think you figure out that if you start running your yap about politics that you're going to piss off 50% of the population...that is if they can read that stuff while holding the magazine with one hand. But I think you get my point. Please in the future stick to how much you love puppies and how you secretly fantasize about soldiers!

Thanks for ruining the fantasy Eva!
CHEERS!