If I Didn't Shop WIth These Guys Already...

After seeing this Ad for Despair.com...I would be a faithful customer.

THE LAST MINUTE(This email is only for that angry lot of you that missed out on "THE GIFT" promotion.If you didn't, please ignore. There's nothing funny here. Really.)

IF YOU MISSED OUT ON OUR LAST PROMOTION, THERE'S HOPE. SORTA.
As seems to always be the case, after our last promotion, "The Gift", was over, we received a trickle- then stream- then flood of emailed complaints from people claiming to have received their Wailing List email too late to act.

Now- a great many of these people are likely NOT to be Wailing List subscribers, and in fact are just Bargain-Sniffing, Internet-Coupon-Site worshippers, who found out only too late that they missed out on a good deal. I know for a fact that some of the people who wrote us have never bought from Despair before- and yet, incredibly, these are the people who give Oscar-nominated complaint calls, full of sound and fury and tears and outrage.This is a near-transcription of a phonecall we received yesterday:

CALLER:"I'll never shop with your (EXPLETIVE) company again if you don't let me have my free stuff!"

DESPAIR AGENT:"Have you placed an order with us before? I don't see your name in our--

"CALLER:"Let me speak to your (EXPLETIVE) manager!"

(Clearly, these people weren't Despair customers. You ain't gonna bust out the F-Bomb on us and expect us to cower in mortal terror and bend to your every whim. You can save that attitude for These Guys. They're trained to lick boot. Our guys just start laughing at you, then hang you up and add your recorded phonecall to our massive archive of amusing infuriated customer calls.)